at a bar really close to my house:
man: "if it wasn't for "the smiths", i would have never gotten laid!"

i was driving down market street and stopped at a light next to a street car stop...it was late...
bummy woman (approached my open passenger side window): "can i drive?"
me: "no, sugar sorry"
bummy woman: "the eagle wants to drive...he's a good driver!"
there was no-one else around
the light turned green and i drove away

girl on bus:
"he was so stupid..i mean he didn't even know that pete townsend was one of the beatles!"

"i'm done with those italian girls!"
"yep, me too!"
"what a waste of time!"

(3 people in the distance)

first girl: "let's go to deliruim"

second girl: "no how about cassanova?"

third girl: "as long as there are boys with tattoos!"

all three: "wooo-hooo!"

two girls strolling down 16th street near valencia...

girl1: "sucks that i can't wear high heels anymore!"

girl2: "how come?"

girl1: "because no guy is gonna to want to fuck me anymore!"

bummer for her....

bum: "it's my wife's brithday...got any change?"

me: "no man, sorry.."

day two:

bum: "it's my wife's brithday...got any change?"

me: "no dude, sorry"

day three: (two weeks later)

bum: "it's my wife's birthday...spare any change?"

me: "what are you a fucking mormon?"

walked away...

woman on the phone on the bus:

"it's the clark school....school it's spelled s-k-o-o-l."